A not so ordinary night of one Steward

This is the story. For reasons why did I write it, look at my analysis of some problems related to stewards.

Let me explain a couple of things: The Stewards are a species which is dedicated to the holly goal of The Rules of The Stewardship. All other things and species are subordinate to The Stewards. I am one of The Stewards!

Some species think that there are no The Rules of Stewardship and that The Stewards should serve to them. There is no sense to explain anything to those mortals because they are not able to understand all things written in The Rules. They are maybe able to read, to understand some parts of The Rules, but their genetic system is not allowing to them to understand The Core written in The Rules.

Wikipedians are especially arrogant species. They think that everything is wandering around their confederation of civilizations, Wikipedia. Very often they are coming for our help. Hey, they are not only coming, but they are asking for help! What an impudence! They are trying to use our feelings… And we are humans, even we are The Stewards. So, very often we are taken in the cobweb of those emotions and because of that we are helping them.

Hard times came for us, The Stewards. Small number of the species understand The Rules of The Stewardship. Actually, only The Stewards understand The Rules. I remember better times, when all of the species lived in harmony with us and The Rules. But, those times are now a very distant past.

And, yesterday around 22:03:58 one Wikipedian called me. He was asking for help. Eh, how impudent he was… He thought that I would have helped him immediately. If I didn’t say “Please, contact me for one hour.” — almost for sure a mob of Wikipedians would have been gathered and started to ask me for help.

One hour later. Of course, he didn’t forget to ask me for help, AGAIN! OK, OK… Wikipedians are really a special species. If you don’t help them, they will ask again and again.

– So, how can I help you? Be aware that you may get Our Help only if the situation is urgent! In all other cases you should fill the right form and submit it at the appropriate place.

– May you do a simultaneous CheckUser action on Turkish and Azerbaijani Wikipedias? — What are the limits of Wikipedian arrogance? He didn’t even make an excuse for interrupting me in much more important jobs of The Implementation of The Rules of The Stewardship! He didn’t even consider usage of the right form at the right place! Those Wikipedians…

– Of course, not! I don’t have a possibility for parallel processing! I may do that only subsequently.

So, he asked me to do that subsequently. This is one of The Steward’s rights and I definitely have that right. It is written in The Rules and The Software supports The Rules.

But, at that moment my bureaucratic coprocessor started to scream: “ATTENTION! ATTENTION! DO THAY HAVE CHECKUSER? DO THEY HAVE CHECKUSER? ATTENTION! ATTENTION! …”. According to The Rules I am not able to do a CheckUser action if someone of the CheckUser species exists on that Wikipedia.

Eh, my hart is always at the side of the CheckUser species. It is a relatively young species and, with Oversight species they are the most advanced of all other species. Of course, except The Stewards. Maybe, they will even evolve into The Stewards some day! They almost understand The Rules! But, it is too early for them now…

I am sure that Azerbaijani Wikipedia doesn’t have a CheckUser. This is written in the supporting documents of The Rules and I know well those documents.

But, Turkish Wikipedia… I don’t know for that civilization. Maybe they have, maybe they don’t have.

– Do you have someone of the CheckUser species in your civilization?

– Yes.

– And you are a CheckUser? — I have to say that I was very positively surprised. If he is a CheckUser, then everything is much different! Maybe I would be the first person who helped to one CheckUser to evolve into a Steward? Who knows…

– No, I am just an admin. — How arrogant is this greeny?! He gave me a hope to think that he is a CheckUser!!! But, he is only an admin. Admin? Bwahahahaha! This species is derived from a genetically degraded CheckUser species. They may become CheckUsers only with a lot of genetic engineering.

– May you connect me with your CheckUser? — I really didn’t want to spend more time with such arrogant species anymore.


– We may start The Process, but it may take a lot of time… — Finally, he started to talk much more reasonable. The Process is the right thing. And all things which take a lot of time are good things. Nothing was built quickly!

– According to The Rules of Stewardship I may help you, but you have to state that this is urgent or that you have some other good reason. — I tried to be a little bit softer because he started to think reasonably. Also, being softer is a good marketing for our species and good marketing may give to us more power to achieve our ultimate goal: Living Accroding to The Rules of The Stewardship.

Silence, again.

– So, you told me that your civilization has members of the CheckUser species. According to The Rules, there must be at least two of them. May you connect me with the second one?

– The second one is not active. — So, here we are! One CheckUser killed the other! It is relatively often event between CheckUsers. Not all of them may become The Stewards and from time to time one CheckUser kills another to make a space for their own development. However, this is strictly forbidden by The Rules and a CheckUser which survived will have to be genetically degraded to a poor admin.

As I realized that we have a violation of The Rules, I called another Steward to consult him about steps which we will have to make.

Eh, from time to time, it is really useful to offer a help to Wikipedians. From time to time we may find that The Rules of The Stewardship are violated. What a nice end of a day! Only a couple of hours ago, I thought that I will really have to help to one Wikipedian!


~ by millosh on March 19, 2008.

3 Responses to “A not so ordinary night of one Steward”

  1. Excellent post. ๐Ÿ™‚

    I’m trying to think of a good joke in response, but I’m afraid my sense of humor isn’t up to snuff at the moment.

    Not to suggest The Rules are a joke. That would be too impudent even for a Wikipedian.

  2. Wow.
    I just discovered “Planet Wikimedia” and found your post on it and… well, I guess I’ll read it more often ๐Ÿ™‚ I loved that post.

    have a nice day, fellow WordPress user.

  3. Thanks to both of you ๐Ÿ™‚

    Luna, I would like to see some satire from English Wikipedia. There is nothing more funny than a satire from an insider.

    Darkoneko, open Planet Wikimedia in French! Also, add your Wikimedia related category in English into the Open Wiki Blog Planet feed (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Nickj/open-wikiblogplanet-config.ini) and ask Erik/Brion to add it to English Planet Wikimedia. And if you are using a feed aggregator, you may try with my Aggregated Aggregators (http://tools.wikimedia.de/~millosh/agags/atom.xml) which merges English Planet Wikimedia and Open Wiki Blog Planet ๐Ÿ™‚

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